20 Truths About Real Love

Sex CoachingLike most people, I have had my share of bad and not so great relationships.

Today I am blessed with the kind of relationship I always hoped and dreamed was possible. And it keeps on getting better every day.

But it wasn’t a love that started out that way and it took work, letting go of fairytales and expectations, and really being willing to give ourselves to love to become incredible.

Through my journey, through constant research and learning, and through the work with my clients I have discovered essential truths about what helps create those relationships that are deeply loving, fulfilling and passionate.

Here are 20 of them. I know there are plenty more but these are the ones that really stick out for me at this time:

  1. Sometimes love isn’t enough, and that can hurt like crazy. But if you can add in commitment, friendship, communication, respect, vulnerability and honesty, it can become everything.
  2. When you make an effort to love and respect your partners, no matter how you personally feel at the time, they will find it easier to do the same.
  3. Good, true and strong love takes constant work. It’s not a ‘leave to simmer’ recipe, but it’s absolutely well worth the extra effort and it will pay off for years to come.
  4. All of those cheesy people you’ve heard say “you’ll know when you know” were right. When you have true, deep love, you know and it feels amazing.
  5. When you are trying to ‘fix’ the person you love it only diminishes them and the real love possible between you. It achieves nothing else. Asking what in you needs that part of them fixed can start an important self discovery.
  6. You can really only expect perfection when you offer it in exchange.
  7. Those small irritations you notice and point out won’t make you or your partner feel any better, or become any closer. Pick your battles, and save your energy for the real issues.
  8. Disagreements are fine. There is no way you can agree with everything another person thinks or feels and disagreeing doesn’t mean your are not loved. There is room in your relationship for differences as long as they are respected and valued.
  9. Being right isn’t as satisfying as you would think. Especially when being right means making the person you love, wrong. It is important to be heard, but you do not have to ‘win’ to be heard.
  10. You are not responsible for your partner’s happiness and they are not responsible for yours. When you give someone else that responsibility, you lose your power and create an imbalance that does not suit true love.
  11. Being vulnerable lets a lot more love in. Spend less time trying not to get hurt and you will get hurt a lot less. Open your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable in love. With the right person, it makes you free.
  12. Curiosity can unlock areas of your partner’s heart and mind that you have never discovered before. Get to know your partner fully, a little more each day and enjoy the constant new discoveries. There is always more to be revealed, if you take time to be interested.
  13. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have, in their way.
  14. It also doesn’t mean you can’t ask them to love you in other ways that you need. We all give and receive love differently and our partner might just not know how we want to be loved.
  15. Intimacy is necessary but comes in more forms than most of us recognise. Sex is just one way to know your partner intimately.
  16. Our relationships provide some of the best learning opportunities about who we really are. Be open to learning more about who you are, through your interactions with your loved one and you have a great resource for growth towards being an even more amazing partner.
  17. We all want to feel special, valuable, desired, loved, important and worthy. Believe in your heart that purely by being alive, it is your right to feel these ways. As it is your partners. Lead by example and  show them how worthy feels.
  18. The hard stuff can make your relationship even better. The worst of times can always get better if you want them to.
  19. A relationship is never passive. You need to make time to fully connect with the person you love. Expecting your relationship to exist around the rest of your life is asking for trouble.
  20. Your relationship will never stay the same. It is always changing and flexing. Go with it, adapt with it and keep finding ways to make it richer and deeper.

So what are your thoughts about these key truths? Or do you have one of your own that you have found has been important in creating your own great relationship?

I would love you to share…….

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