- Why Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interests
- Loving In Your Partner’s Shoes
- What Will You Do Differently This Year?
- How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life
- Why Worrying About Your Partner Cheating Is Pointless
- Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love
- Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen
- “We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship
- Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?
- Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?
3 Ways To Love With More Self Respect
One of the things we all want in our relationships, among many other things, is to be respected.
To be treated in a way that makes us feel worthy and valued for who we are.
Respect is incredibly important in a relationship. There’s no doubt about it. You just can’t fully love someone that you have little or no respect for.
But even more important than how much your partner respects you is how much you respect yourself.
There are many ways that we disrespect ourselves without being aware of it.
For all sorts of reasons we let ourselves down and get caught up in negative patterns and habits that we repeat over and over again without considering the damage they might be doing to our own well-being.
Rather than lead the way and demonstrate high levels of self respect, we undermine and dishonour ourselves and then seem surprised and hurt when others do the same.
And, sadly, our relationships tend to be where we drop our guard the most, often placing higher value on our partner and dimishing our own value.
We fail to demand only the best for ourselves, and from our relationship.
Learning to love with self respect means embracing the power to consciously create the kind of life and love you really want, upgrading your expectations, and believing you’re worth only the best.
It’s all about honouring yourself and loving as the very best version of you, you can be.
Not sure where to start with loving with more self respect?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
What you accept in a relationship is usually directly proportional to the level of self respect you have.
In many relationships there comes a time when one or the other partner in the relationship feels taken for granted, disrespected, or disconnected from their partner.
Maybe work is getting in the way, or a new hobby is taking up all their time. Perhaps the balance has tipped with you doing a lot more of the childcare and household chores, or giving much more in the relationship than you’re getting.
Whatever is going on, you feel unappreciated and under-valued.
That’s when you need to speak up and communicate your expectations in the relationship.
You get to decide what’s good enough in your life when it comes to how people treat you, and when you set the standard, you have a better chance of others meeting it.
Expecting more, knowing your value and asking for nothing less is a gesture of self respect and self love.
If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Keep Being You
We’ve all heard the cliche that finding ‘the one’ means you’ve found your other half. That you come together to be ‘one’.
Being in a relationship does not make you one half of a whole.
Finding true love should mean finding someone who compliments you, who brings more of the good stuff into your life, and vice versa. It’s a bonding of two individuals, each with their own wonderful part to play in being two people in love.
But a lot of people, especially women sadly, forget this. They go into a relationship and slowly let go of who they are, to either be more of what their partner wants, or to meet their own emotional needs.
They let go of friends, they stop doing the things they enjoy, and they put their own self care on the back burner. They become so focused on their partner, on meeting their needs and making sure they can be with them as often as possible that they lose their own identity.
Which is kind of boring. But also incredibly dishonourable to themselves.
Loving with self respect means being able to be fully, deeply, passionately in love with someone, but also know, like and respect the person you are as an individual.
It means remaining true to your self and maintaining interests, friends, personal opinions and self care. At times, it means putting yourself first.
The confidence to be you, the choice to keep showing up as exactly who you are, no apologies, is sexy, and it’s a sure way to earn a lot more respect than you would by being someone’s cling on.
When something happens in your relationship, that you’re unhappy about, what type of reaction do you default to? Do you get angry and go full force into a yelling fit at the smallest error of judgment, or do you sulk whenever you don’t get your own way? Are you the kind of person who cries at the drop of a hat or go into full dramatics and rehearse a scene worthy of any daytime soap when your feelings are a little hurt?
If this sounds like you, I can assure you it’s getting old, and it’s making it hard to take you seriously.
How we react to the things that happen in our life have a great bearing on our levels of self respect, our moods and the perception of others about us.
There’s nothing appealing about being with someone who overreacts to small upsets, and causes more drama than necessary.
Reacting with self respect means being conscious about how you respond to a situation, and choosing to do it in a way that’s positive, effective and loving, to yourself, and to your partner.
Instead of instantly yelling or breaking into tears, take a few moments to ask yourself what those reactions will achieve, and how you’ll feel about yourself afterwards. Then decide to come to the problem in a more constructive way that demonstrates you raising your standards.
Sit down and calmly ask more questions to figure out what’s going on. Or walk away for a bit and take time to think before responding.
You get to decide and take action that will either show you in a mature, self respecting light, or slowly unravels any respect you hold, bit by bit.
Setting The Example
By setting the example for what you’ll accept, how you’ll interact and by being true to yourself, you have the power to consciously create a better quality of life and love.
Making the choice to honour yourself in life, to be your best version of you, will bring always so much more good into your life than when you let your standards drop and start to value others above yourself.
And when you demonstrate self respect, you can more easily demand respect from others.
But even if you don’t get it, you can hold your head high knowing you’ve given yourself the love and respect you really deserve.