When Did You Last Invest In Self Care?

self care

If someone asked you what your definition of self care is, what would you answer?

Is self care about being aware of illness and ailments, regularly getting your nails done and your hair cut and using sun screen? Or does self care have a deeper meaning to you?

Unfortunately many people struggle to understand what self care is really all about. Beyond doing the necessary to keep them selves functioning, they make little investment in proactive and ongoing self care. Often it’s only once they become stressed, ill or overwhelmed that they are then forced into taking self care measures.

But self care should be a daily deposit into your bank of well being.

It’s not something you can do sporadically and expect to feel ‘reset’ for the next 6 months. It needs to be a practice that you continually make an effort towards because, without a regular dose of self care, you end up shortchanging yourself, and everyone else in your life too.

As hard as you try, you can’t keep giving to the world if you’re not putting essential time and caring back into yourself.

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How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life

relationship coaching

50 Shades Of Grey is guilty of it. Mills and Boon is guilty. Every romance movie you’ve ever watched is guilty of doing it.

Guilty of doing what?

Guilty of helping you to nurture unrealistic ideals and expectations about what love and sex in the average relationship is really all about.

We all know how it goes in Hollywood, in a scripted novel. A gorgeous couple randomly and passionately fall into bed, with just a few glances, all the right words and without a single thought of whatever else is going on the world.

In the grips of passion they mold their perfect bodies perfectly together for the most amazing, mind blowing, orgasmic sex two people could ever hope for.

Every hair is in place, nothing flops or jiggles about, every kiss and caress is delivered with pleasure and received with absolute desire. Every breath and movement is totally in sync.

Which is exactly how it should go in real life as well, right?

If only that were true.

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It’s Not All About You (And That’s Good)

not taking things personally

My husband and I recently experienced the loss of our 2nd baby. We have been trying to grow our family for nearly 2 years now, and have sadly lost both of the only pregnancies that we have managed to create.

It has been an extremely heartbreaking, and stressful time. There have been a few moments when I have totally lost myself in the grief, anger and heartache over the loss of 2 children we wanted so desperately, but I have always known that with my husband by my side, I would be ok.

He has been amazing and, particularly with our 2nd loss, tried so hard to be strong, to get me through those first days. I wanted to be strong too, to show him he was carrying me through, so I did my best to keep my grief inside.

But there came a time, when I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Rather than come straight out and say how I felt though, I started bitching and moaning about various unimportant household tasks that hadn’t been done, and how my husband was too busy to help me, and that I had work to do too!!!

I can honestly say that I wasn’t a particularly nice person in that moment and he had every right to be mad at me for the way I was acting. I was in attack mode and it would have been so easy for my sweet man to retaliate as the innocent victim of a crazy lady.

But he did something that I absolutely love him for.

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Stop Being So Mean!

self love

Through the course of our lives, most of us are lucky enough to have people that we care about, and who care about us.

Life can be a crazy ride at times and, in our close relationships, there are often situations when we need to support each other, to build the other person up a little, and let them know that they are wonderful, loved, and absolutely perfect just the way they are.

We give out kind words, we tell them that they are so important and valuable, and we promise them that they are handsome, beautiful, smart, clever, funny and interesting.

And, if we’ve surrounded ourselves with good people, they do the same in return when we most need it.

But even when we disagree with certain aspects of our loved ones lives, we still tend to regulate our opinions and maintain a sensitivity that comes from love and a desire to protect them. We don’t rush in with harsh criticisms like “You really have got a bit fat”, or “I knew you weren’t as smart as you think you are”.

Saying things like this to someone we care about seems absolutely inconceivable to most people.

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Creating Good Love Habits

good love habits

Habit – ‘an acquired behavioural pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntarily’.

We’ve all got our own personal habits, good and bad.

Not all habits are ones we made a conscious choice about creating, but we have them anyway and, over time, they become a part of us.

Good habits can be life enhancing, like going to the gym or practicing meditation every morning, but bad habits can be frustrating, irritating and sometimes even destructive.

We don’t purposefully mean them to be, but habitual patterns can be a challenge to break, even when you become aware of what you’re doing.

In love, we also tend to have a unique collection of good habits, and bad habits.

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Stop Chasing Perfection

chasing perfection

We use perfectionism to excuse insecurity, to cover up fear and allow for playing small.

We use perfectionism in a bid to ward off failure, to protect ourselves from judgement, to keep us on course for achieving the standard ‘they’ expect.

We use it to hold back disappointment and hang onto belief, belief that you can do, say and be everything exactly as you need to.

To be accepted, praised, recognised, validated, approved of.

We keep striving for the ultimate achievement, for the perfect accomplishment.

But when we get to perfect will we know we have reached our destination?

Is there a gatekeeper who will recognise our perfection and tell us we have arrived, that we have achieved that which we have spent so much time, effort and mental energy on trying to create?

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7 Ways To Spring Clean Your Relationship

Spring is here. Well for the Southern Hemisphere at least.

The blossoms are bursting into colour, the bulbs are popping their heads up out of the soil and it seems like every day there is a new batch of baby lambs to ooo and ahhhh over (maybe that’s just me).

It’s that time of year when we’re all meant to dig into the Spring cleaning, throwing out the surplus, cleaning off all the Winter dust, and making everything fresh for Summer.

I’m not sure how many people actually do Spring Clean, in Spring, but whenever you do it, it’s always such a great feeling.

Seeing clear cupboards and surfaces and feeling a sense of space and freshness is so refreshing and uplifting. It just has a way of making everything seem clearer.

Imagine if you could do that in your relationships?

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10 Sure Ways To Self Love

Self Love Coaching

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection – Buddha

When most of us think about love, we think about the love we feel for others, give to others, and receive from those who love us. We don’t tend to think too much about love for ourselves. In fact, for many, the notion of loving oneself can seem conceited and unattractive.

And yet self love is the foundation of a good life and the generation point where love for others begins and ends.

Without loving yourself, you can never really truly love another. My mother told me so when I was young, but it took me until I was 33 to discover she was right.

So how do you grow your inner resource of self love?

Start with these 10 simple ways, and you’ll be on the sure path to discovering just how great self loving can feel.

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