How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life

relationship coaching

50 Shades Of Grey is guilty of it. Mills and Boon is guilty. Every romance movie you’ve ever watched is guilty of doing it.

Guilty of doing what?

Guilty of helping you to nurture unrealistic ideals and expectations about what love and sex in the average relationship is really all about.

We all know how it goes in Hollywood, in a scripted novel. A gorgeous couple randomly and passionately fall into bed, with just a few glances, all the right words and without a single thought of whatever else is going on the world.

In the grips of passion they mold their perfect bodies perfectly together for the most amazing, mind blowing, orgasmic sex two people could ever hope for.

Every hair is in place, nothing flops or jiggles about, every kiss and caress is delivered with pleasure and received with absolute desire. Every breath and movement is totally in sync.

Which is exactly how it should go in real life as well, right?

If only that were true.

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It’s Not All About You (And That’s Good)

not taking things personally

My husband and I recently experienced the loss of our 2nd baby. We have been trying to grow our family for nearly 2 years now, and have sadly lost both of the only pregnancies that we have managed to create.

It has been an extremely heartbreaking, and stressful time. There have been a few moments when I have totally lost myself in the grief, anger and heartache over the loss of 2 children we wanted so desperately, but I have always known that with my husband by my side, I would be ok.

He has been amazing and, particularly with our 2nd loss, tried so hard to be strong, to get me through those first days. I wanted to be strong too, to show him he was carrying me through, so I did my best to keep my grief inside.

But there came a time, when I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Rather than come straight out and say how I felt though, I started bitching and moaning about various unimportant household tasks that hadn’t been done, and how my husband was too busy to help me, and that I had work to do too!!!

I can honestly say that I wasn’t a particularly nice person in that moment and he had every right to be mad at me for the way I was acting. I was in attack mode and it would have been so easy for my sweet man to retaliate as the innocent victim of a crazy lady.

But he did something that I absolutely love him for.

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Creating Good Love Habits

good love habits

Habit – ‘an acquired behavioural pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntarily’.

We’ve all got our own personal habits, good and bad.

Not all habits are ones we made a conscious choice about creating, but we have them anyway and, over time, they become a part of us.

Good habits can be life enhancing, like going to the gym or practicing meditation every morning, but bad habits can be frustrating, irritating and sometimes even destructive.

We don’t purposefully mean them to be, but habitual patterns can be a challenge to break, even when you become aware of what you’re doing.

In love, we also tend to have a unique collection of good habits, and bad habits.

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7 Ways To Spring Clean Your Relationship

Spring is here. Well for the Southern Hemisphere at least.

The blossoms are bursting into colour, the bulbs are popping their heads up out of the soil and it seems like every day there is a new batch of baby lambs to ooo and ahhhh over (maybe that’s just me).

It’s that time of year when we’re all meant to dig into the Spring cleaning, throwing out the surplus, cleaning off all the Winter dust, and making everything fresh for Summer.

I’m not sure how many people actually do Spring Clean, in Spring, but whenever you do it, it’s always such a great feeling.

Seeing clear cupboards and surfaces and feeling a sense of space and freshness is so refreshing and uplifting. It just has a way of making everything seem clearer.

Imagine if you could do that in your relationships?

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Tuning Into Your Turn On

get turned on

Remember those heady, new love days?

Those days when you first met your partner, and everything they did turned you on?

They said your name in just the right tone, and touched you just the right way. They smelt perfect, felt perfect and just thinking about the things you wanted to do to them would cause that delicious familiar ‘I want you’ feeling.

It didn’t matter that they left their socks at the end of your bed, or hadn’t washed up the wine glasses you drank out of the night before. You were so aware of how much they turned you on and you couldn’t go for more than a few days before falling into a wild search for some one on one time with this fabulous creature you had discovered.

You remember those feelings, right?

And now?

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Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love

Relationship Coaching

If I’d saved a dollar for every time I’ve heard ‘I just wish he/she would show me they love me more’, I would be a very happy coach with a big box load of ALL the really expensive books I’ve been eyeing up on Amazon, being delivered to my door.

For any number of reasons, a lot of couples end up in a place where things have gone a little (or a lot) off course and one or both partners are feeling less love than they desire.

Unfortunately it’s not uncommon, at all.

While not all couples talk about it, most have felt it at some point in their relationship.

It’s also not uncommon for the blame for the lack of loving to be put on the other partner.

When you feel unloved, when the passion has dwindled and things have become a little mundane, surely it can’t be your fault?

Because after all, you actually want more love.

But there’s a difference between wanting it, and going out and getting it.

That difference determines whether you are a love reactor, or a love creator.

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Two Words To Ruin Any Relationship

relationship coaching

With any close relationship there inevitably comes a time when you need to make an apology.

The more time we spend with people, the more room there is for a mismatch in behaviour or communication, and whether our actions were deliberate or completely unintended, somewhere along the line, someone we care about is hurt, insulted, offended or betrayed.

Apologies can be difficult to make though.

Most of us want to be seen as a good person and not be perceived as someone who is careless, and hurtful. We also tend to come neatly packaged with a natural aversion to being wrong, or flawed.

It’s usually uncomfortable to admit fault.

But being able to apologise well will make a big difference to any relationship we are part of, and goes a lot further towards actually making us that good person we want to be, letting the people we love know that their feelings are important to us.

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Shared Love: The Look Of Love

sex coaching

I received my wedding photos today.

My husband and I actually got married nearly 2 years ago but, well, we were a little slow on picking the best photos and actually putting the order in.

But they’re here now and I am so excited looking at them, seeing how well they turned out and thinking about the frames we will buy and where we will hang them.

But there is also something else in looking at these photos that is even more exciting.

I gaze at these beautiful pictures of us, and I see love.

So much love.

Love that is so obvious, even on a printed page.

Love that shows in our faces, the way we are standing or sitting, the way our bodies seem to be tied together.

It’s so incredible to see, and to feel, and such a wonderful relief because I was worried about receiving these photos.


Well let me explain.

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