When Did You Last Invest In Self Care?

self care

If someone asked you what your definition of self care is, what would you answer?

Is self care about being aware of illness and ailments, regularly getting your nails done and your hair cut and using sun screen? Or does self care have a deeper meaning to you?

Unfortunately many people struggle to understand what self care is really all about. Beyond doing the necessary to keep them selves functioning, they make little investment in proactive and ongoing self care. Often it’s only once they become stressed, ill or overwhelmed that they are then forced into taking self care measures.

But self care should be a daily deposit into your bank of well being.

It’s not something you can do sporadically and expect to feel ‘reset’ for the next 6 months. It needs to be a practice that you continually make an effort towards because, without a regular dose of self care, you end up shortchanging yourself, and everyone else in your life too.

As hard as you try, you can’t keep giving to the world if you’re not putting essential time and caring back into yourself.

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Stop Being So Mean!

self love

Through the course of our lives, most of us are lucky enough to have people that we care about, and who care about us.

Life can be a crazy ride at times and, in our close relationships, there are often situations when we need to support each other, to build the other person up a little, and let them know that they are wonderful, loved, and absolutely perfect just the way they are.

We give out kind words, we tell them that they are so important and valuable, and we promise them that they are handsome, beautiful, smart, clever, funny and interesting.

And, if we’ve surrounded ourselves with good people, they do the same in return when we most need it.

But even when we disagree with certain aspects of our loved ones lives, we still tend to regulate our opinions and maintain a sensitivity that comes from love and a desire to protect them. We don’t rush in with harsh criticisms like “You really have got a bit fat”, or “I knew you weren’t as smart as you think you are”.

Saying things like this to someone we care about seems absolutely inconceivable to most people.

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Stop Chasing Perfection

chasing perfection

We use perfectionism to excuse insecurity, to cover up fear and allow for playing small.

We use perfectionism in a bid to ward off failure, to protect ourselves from judgement, to keep us on course for achieving the standard ‘they’ expect.

We use it to hold back disappointment and hang onto belief, belief that you can do, say and be everything exactly as you need to.

To be accepted, praised, recognised, validated, approved of.

We keep striving for the ultimate achievement, for the perfect accomplishment.

But when we get to perfect will we know we have reached our destination?

Is there a gatekeeper who will recognise our perfection and tell us we have arrived, that we have achieved that which we have spent so much time, effort and mental energy on trying to create?

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10 Sure Ways To Self Love

Self Love Coaching

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection – Buddha

When most of us think about love, we think about the love we feel for others, give to others, and receive from those who love us. We don’t tend to think too much about love for ourselves. In fact, for many, the notion of loving oneself can seem conceited and unattractive.

And yet self love is the foundation of a good life and the generation point where love for others begins and ends.

Without loving yourself, you can never really truly love another. My mother told me so when I was young, but it took me until I was 33 to discover she was right.

So how do you grow your inner resource of self love?

Start with these 10 simple ways, and you’ll be on the sure path to discovering just how great self loving can feel.

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Tuning Into Your Turn On

get turned on

Remember those heady, new love days?

Those days when you first met your partner, and everything they did turned you on?

They said your name in just the right tone, and touched you just the right way. They smelt perfect, felt perfect and just thinking about the things you wanted to do to them would cause that delicious familiar ‘I want you’ feeling.

It didn’t matter that they left their socks at the end of your bed, or hadn’t washed up the wine glasses you drank out of the night before. You were so aware of how much they turned you on and you couldn’t go for more than a few days before falling into a wild search for some one on one time with this fabulous creature you had discovered.

You remember those feelings, right?

And now?

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What Lesson Is Being Mirrored Back To You?

 

I strongly believe that it is in our relationships that we learn the most about ourselves.

Particularly in our relationships with our spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends, but also with our children.

When we live with and love someone every day it’s inevitable we will come up against things that push a button or hit a nerve. Even the most placid and easy going person will have something that irks them that little bit, but in the most part we all just get on with it. Normally the majority of what annoys us, isn’t worth getting too pent up about or is forgotten in the next moment.

But what if the same things keep coming back up, causing constant issues in your relationship?

Unfortunately too many relationships are plagued by problems that persist, and try as they might to resolve their differences they bubbling up, contaminating the love shared between two people and threatening the future of the relationship.

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Seeking Happiness

Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a friend going through a relationship break-up and although I’m not their coach (I tend not to coach friends) we got talking about what they are going through, how they got there and what the future holds.

Everyone has their reasons for ending a relationship but I was struck by the fact that this friend seemed to hold their ex wholly responsible for not making her happy in hers and although she praised him for being a wonderful, kind, caring, love and intelligent person who was great with her kids, in the same breath she also went on to say that she just wasn’t happy and wanted someone who would make her happy.

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Codependency | Too Nice For Your Own Good?

hold on

Codependency is a term often used in relation to the partner or spouse of an abuser or addict. There is reasoning that to stay and tolerate the destructive behaviours and actions of these types of partners, that codependency must be present.

But this isn’t always the case. Codependency can also be present in relationships that appear normal but have a dysfunctional imbalance, with one partner unknowingly engaging in codependent behaviours out of insecurity about themselves, and the relationship.

So what is codependency?

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