Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love

Relationship Coaching

If I’d saved a dollar for every time I’ve heard ‘I just wish he/she would show me they love me more’, I would be a very happy coach with a big box load of ALL the really expensive books I’ve been eyeing up on Amazon, being delivered to my door.

For any number of reasons, a lot of couples end up in a place where things have gone a little (or a lot) off course and one or both partners are feeling less love than they desire.

Unfortunately it’s not uncommon, at all.

While not all couples talk about it, most have felt it at some point in their relationship.

It’s also not uncommon for the blame for the lack of loving to be put on the other partner.

When you feel unloved, when the passion has dwindled and things have become a little mundane, surely it can’t be your fault?

Because after all, you actually want more love.

But there’s a difference between wanting it, and going out and getting it.

That difference determines whether you are a love reactor, or a love creator.


Reactors are those who measure their love experience by what their partner does to make them feel loved.

They wait for the expressions of adoration.

They want love to be given without request.

They don’t ask but instead stand by and anticipate.

And when they don’t get what they want, they react.

With hurt, disappointment, anger, or distance.

They feel unloved and unappreciated. They can’t understand why their partner doesn’t give them more of what they want.

Reactors feel out of control and often can’t see how they can have something different than what they have, without the other person changing their ways.

They either resign themselves to having a less than ideal relationship, or they move on hoping that someone else will give them what they want.


Creators on the other hand are out there actively creating love in their lives. They understand that to have a happy, loved up life, they need to make conscious choices.

They give love first without expecting to receive.

They share compliments and gestures freely.

They say how they feel and make sure their love is known.

They keep their hearts open and when they get love back, they aren’t surprised.

Creators know that by sharing of themselves, by expressing love, by stepping into that space willingly and regularly, they will find a lot more of the love they want.

Once A Reactor Always A Reactor?

Being a reactor is a habit. It’s not hard set.

Maybe it’s just a coincidence that creator and reactor are anagrams of each other but what’s absolutely certain is that you have a choice about which mode to love from.

Being a reactor means being passive about what you want, keeping you stuck in a place of feeling like a victim.

Instead of being the master of your emotions, feelings and desires, you simply let life happen and then react when it doesn’t happen the way you hoped for.

There’s a reason they say love take work – it does. But it only takes a small amount of effort to consciously choose to be a creator, and move away from just reacting to the events in your relationship to actually designing them.

Being a creator makes getting more love so much easier and yet is it the road less traveled for so many.

Because what if you love first and it isn’t reciprocated?

How do you protect yourself if you’re putting your heart on the line?

You need to open yourself up, to be a little bit vulnerable.

Maybe you might get hurt sometimes.

But maybe you will get all the love you ever wanted?

Isn’t it worth trying something different and finding out?

Simply by adjusting your thinking towards choice to create love, rather than being a bystander, you will be surprised at just how much more love is available.

You can choose to create environments of love, caring and intimacy with your partner, without them having to change a thing.

You can decide to step forward and be more loving, to express your feelings, to initiate intimacy, to be spontaneous and fun loving, and have the kind of love you want.

Because it becomes your choice when you are a creator.

I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Creators make the change that is necessary in a relationship that is struggling. They are willing to do the work and take the risks and they switch things up and get the spark firing.

Do you want to lead your own way to more love?

Or do you want to wait, and wait, and wait……


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