- Why Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interests
- Loving In Your Partner’s Shoes
- What Will You Do Differently This Year?
- How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life
- Why Worrying About Your Partner Cheating Is Pointless
- Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love
- Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen
- “We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship
- Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?
- Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?
Curiosity – The Golden Key To Connection
Want to get really connected with your partner?
Want to feel like you are fully in tune with exactly who your partner is?
It’s a great feeling when you feel deeply and intimately connected to someone, when you feel like you can hear their heart sing, and see their light.
These feelings build the kind of love that people dream about.
But you don’t have to dream anymore. You can have it as soon as you are ready.
And it’s not difficult. But it does take effort.
I’ve said it before, anything worth having takes effort.
Assumption, ignorance and disinterest are excellent ways to terminate a relationship.
Assuming you know everything about your partner, including how they think and feel, or being completely ignorant and uninterested in their inner workings, totally disconnects you from the person you are trying to love.
As humans, we thrive on connection. We soar highest with someone who truly knows us and cares, and is linked to our soul by intimate knowledge and understanding.
We are programmed to connect with others, but sometimes it seems like good connections are hard to find.
Some people never find one, despite searching for years.
That’s because the secret is to create it, not go looking for it.
Curiosity is the key to connection.
It is the key to unlocking the innermost world of the people you love so that you can learn what makes them tick, what keeps them awake at night and what makes them feel alive.
The curiosity key opens up the inner sanctums of someone’s heart and soul so you can discover all the parts that come together to make the special and truly unique person you love.
Connection makes it so much easier to love someone.
When you know their inner world, you know what it takes for them to feel loved, what makes them feel valued and appreciated and what breaks them apart.
It makes it easier to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and better know how they will feel about, or respond to a situation or a conversation, good or bad.
Getting to know your partner intimately requires action though, you can’t just presume to know how they feel, what they want, or what they are thinking.
You need to have the conversations.
You need to make time to regularly talk and listen so that you can gain the inside knowledge.
This isn’t about being intrusive, nosey or controlling, it’s about taking notice, paying attention, being interested and connecting.
Getting to know your partner intimately doesn’t have to be a stuffy, interview like thing either (though if there are particular questions you’d like to know the answers to, you could make a specific time to sit down and discuss them.). Throughout your day to day with your partner, there is constantly information ripe for the picking. Information that will give you insight and understanding about the person you are spending your life with.
It might not seem that it’s there but you have to learn to tune in more closely so you can really hear and see all the juicy tid-bits.
Here’s just a few ways to use curiosity to connect:
- When your partner speaks, even if it’s something you’ve heard before or isn’t particularly interesting to you, make a point of really listening anyway. Don’t block them out or turn away and carry on doing something else. It’s not only rude but you’ll miss out on the nuggets that can make your relationship much richer.
- Notice the things that get your partner excited, or worked up. If they are passionate about a subject or a social issue, talk to them about it. Ask them why it’s important to them and how they would solve it. Or, if your partner gets giddy about a certain musician or author, probe them about what it is they like about that person and their art. Discover what moves them and inspires them.
- Watch your partner more closely. Pay attention to their facial expressions and their body language and then find a loving way to ask them about their reaction. These moments often go unnoticed unless they’re extreme but if you’re paying attention, there’s wonderful insight to be had from the smallest of gestures.
- Step out of yourself when your partner is having a reaction and become curious about what feelings and thoughts might be really pushing their buttons. Try to understand why they are responding in a particular way, rather than joining their mood. It’s important to avoid being patronizing here, but ultimately, we all want to be heard and if you are willing to step up and listen, you can learn a lot.
There is always more to know about your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together, or how much you think you already know.
Your partner’s inner world will always keep changing and adjusting.
Thoughts, feelings, opinions and beliefs change over time with age, maturity, changes in circumstances, important events and with new awareness or knowledge, which means that you will need to keep talking and keep exploring their inner world at this point and the next.
So, I set you the challenge of getting curious and connecting with your loved one more deeply. Ask questions, pay attention, listen and learn and I would love you to let me know in the comments below how this challenge works out for you.