- Why Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interests
- Loving In Your Partner’s Shoes
- What Will You Do Differently This Year?
- How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life
- Why Worrying About Your Partner Cheating Is Pointless
- Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love
- Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen
- “We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship
- Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?
- Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?
Is Your Relationship Toxic?
Sadly, the cliché that you have to kiss a lot of frogs, to find the prince, tends to be true more often than not.
It’s only a mere few who find their true love, first time around, and live happily ever after.
For the rest of us, it’s more common for years of trial and error to go before finally finding the real deal.
Most of us need at least one hand to count the relationships that didn’t work out.
Sometimes we know exactly where we went wrong, dating a bad boy or two for fun, or deciding to forgo personality for a trophy date, just to prove to your friends you could.
Sometimes we haven’t got a clue at the beginning, seeing only what we want to see and then one day finding ourselves in relationships that don’t serve us at all. In fact, they’re actually harming us.
I’ve been there. Stuck in love with someone who I didn’t belong with. Locked into a relationship that was nothing but unhappiness.
The relationship was toxic, but I couldn’t see that at the time. I thought I must have been doing something wrong. That I wasn’t good enough, lovable enough.
Every single day I became more and more unhappy, more removed from who I really was as I tried to be what my partner wanted me to be. In the end I was a miserable, angry, tearful (and, I’ll admit, somewhat crazy) wreck. I remember lying on the floor of my spare room crying harder and more desperately than I ever had before and wondering if I perhaps needed some kind of (psychological) help. I was in genuine pain, in my heart and in my mind as it dawned on me that my relationship was destroying me and if I wanted to get better, it had to end.
Are You In A Toxic Relationship?
Even if you’re not fully aware of it yet, if you’re in a relationship that’s toxic it’s likely you’re already feeling things that tell you something’s wrong. You sense a certain ‘offness’, a discomfort, a feeling of pushing against happiness, instead of being in the flow of it.
Perhaps you always feel like you’re wrong, or being picked on by your partner, or that they just don’t really like being around you that much? And the times that should be fun or romantic with your partner are never that great. There’s an unease that always seems to infect your time together.
Maybe you constantly feel tired or exhausted and suffer from more illness than you usually would, with headaches, cold and stress type symptoms? You’ve started to feel a bit down about yourself as well. Your self esteem has dipped and you never feel as good as you should when you’re with your partner.
Your relationship could be the problem here, not you.
Toxic relationships drain you of energy, rather than giving you life and filling you up with new energy like fully and truly being in love should.
They feel like hard work. They are hard work.
Nothing feels simple and natural about them at all and no matter how you try, you just can’t seem to feel good when you’re with your partner.
You try everything. Being more, doing more, doing less, doing different.
Nothing seems to help.
Toxic relationships don’t feed your soul and fill you up with love, they wear you out and wear you down.
The only way for them to ever feel good is for things to change, for the people in the relationship to change and do things differently.
Does this sound like your relationship?
I can help you with figuring the answer out. In my next article I’ll outline 10 Toxic Relationships that you don’t want to be in. I’ll explain exactly what type of behaviours show up in a toxic relationship so you can think about whether the relationship you’re in is actually toxic, or if it just needs a few adjustments.
Keep an eye out for it in your inbox.
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