Is Your Relationship Toxic?

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toxic relationshipSadly, the cliché that you have to kiss a lot of frogs, to find the prince, tends to be true more often than not.

It’s only a mere few who find their true love, first time around, and live happily ever after.

For the rest of us, it’s more common for years of trial and error to go before finally finding the real deal.

Most of us need at least one hand to count the relationships that didn’t work out.

Sometimes we know exactly where we went wrong, dating a bad boy or two for fun, or deciding to forgo personality for a trophy date, just to prove to your friends you could.

Sometimes we haven’t got a clue at the beginning, seeing only what we want to see and then one day finding ourselves in relationships that don’t serve us at all. In fact, they’re actually harming us.

I’ve been there. Stuck in love with someone who I didn’t belong with. Locked into a relationship that was nothing but unhappiness.

The relationship was toxic, but I couldn’t see that at the time. I thought I must have been doing something wrong. That I wasn’t good enough, lovable enough.

Every single day I became more and more unhappy, more removed from who I really was as I tried to be what my partner wanted me to be. In the end I was a miserable, angry, tearful (and, I’ll admit, somewhat crazy) wreck. I remember lying on the floor of my spare room crying harder and more desperately than I ever had before and wondering if I perhaps needed some kind of (psychological) help. I was in genuine pain, in my heart and in my mind as it dawned on me that my relationship was destroying me and if I wanted to get better, it had to end.

Are You In A Toxic Relationship?

Even if you’re not fully aware of it yet, if you’re in a relationship that’s toxic it’s likely you’re already feeling things that tell you something’s wrong. You sense a certain ‘offness’, a discomfort, a feeling of pushing against happiness, instead of being in the flow of it.

Perhaps you always feel like you’re wrong, or being picked on by your partner, or that they just don’t really like being around you that much? And the times that should be fun or romantic with your partner are never that great. There’s an unease that always seems to infect your time together.

Maybe you constantly feel tired or exhausted and suffer from more illness than you usually would, with headaches, cold and stress type symptoms? You’ve started to feel a bit down about yourself as well. Your self esteem has dipped and you never feel as good as you should when you’re with your partner.

Your relationship could be the problem here, not you.

Toxic relationships drain you of energy, rather than giving you life and filling you up with new energy like fully and truly being in love should.

They feel like hard work. They are hard work.

Nothing feels simple and natural about them at all and no matter how you try, you just can’t seem to feel good when you’re with your partner.

You try everything. Being more, doing more, doing less, doing different.

Nothing seems to help.

Toxic relationships don’t feed your soul and fill you up with love, they wear you out and wear you down.

The only way for them to ever feel good is for things to change, for the people in the relationship to change and do things differently.

Does this sound like your relationship?

Not sure?

I can help you with figuring the answer out. In my next article I’ll outline 10 Toxic Relationships that you don’t want to be in. I’ll explain exactly what type of behaviours show up in a toxic relationship so you can think about whether the relationship you’re in is actually toxic, or if it just needs a few adjustments.

Keep an eye out for it in your inbox.

And, if you’re not on my mailing list, sign up below and receive the article directly in your inbox as soon as it’s posted.

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About rachaellay

2 Comments

  1. John

    July 15, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I have been mairried for 30 something years.I drank a lot and verbally abuse my wife for a long time.I stopped drinking but was jelouse also did not let her be all she could be for herself and kids.Sickens me and. I am
    Carringa lot of guilt as I should. One day she exploded and let me know all about what was inside of her. A
    Light bulb lit inside of me. I no clue what I had been doing to her or the kids. We are seeing a therapist to try
    And save and rebuild the marraige and love and trust. Two things here- 1. She has a lot of anger and spite in
    Right now. 2. She had a cyber affair, daughter found out and confronted her, not very remorseful and tried to
    Play it down. She still talks to him on Facebook, not good. Third person in. 3. Sorry, well now I suspect she is
    Having an affair and not a cyber one. This I suspect has been going on for a while. Reason, she acts out of
    Normal and doesn’T know it, but I do. I have told her I know there is an affair, she says I’m crazy, imagining
    This. I haven,t told her I know who it is, I have no physical proof. I had proof of the cyber affair, she could not
    Denie that, but this affair has no physical proof. I know this guy very good, he just ruined a very good and long lasting friendship. I work the graveyard shift, and as I writing this she is cheating with him, sounds crazy
    Right, lately she wants to know if I ‘m going to work, what’s that. Well that’s only part of the puzzle. What a relationship huh. Well more, found info on computer, told her( mistake). She doesn’t make that mistake anymore. No more iMessage to me or should I say ( Ok or goodnite or bye ) that’s about it now.Other red flags are up , computer and iPhone at same time, when I look she moves screen to something else, uses
    Computer to send Facebook messages instead of iPhone, can’t be traced on phone records, she learned
    That from guy on cyber affair. I checked the phone log, (redirected).What a saga. I marked the time she was
    Having these liaisons. Told her, of course I’m crazy.does anyone know how it feels to know that an affair is
    Happen after you go to work. There are other signs a liaison is happen tonite, which I will reserve. If that’s alright.So I guess what I’m trying to say is I love this lady way deep in my sole, It’s hard to believe she is doing this, I really screwed up when I was drinking, but if your going to try to make and rebuild a relationship
    Why in the world she do this, I suspect anger, revenge, hatred, I ruined her life( instead of trying to rebuild).
    I think It’s getting down to the wire for me, I’m running around like chicken with i’ts head cut off… HELP

  2. Pingback: 10 Toxic Relationships - Are You In One? | Rachael Lay

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