Through the course of our lives, most of us are lucky enough to have people that we care about, and who care about us.
Life can be a crazy ride at times and, in our close relationships, there are often situations when we need to support each other, to build the other person up a little, and let them know that they are wonderful, loved, and absolutely perfect just the way they are.
We give out kind words, we tell them that they are so important and valuable, and we promise them that they are handsome, beautiful, smart, clever, funny and interesting.
And, if we’ve surrounded ourselves with good people, they do the same in return when we most need it.
But even when we disagree with certain aspects of our loved ones lives, we still tend to regulate our opinions and maintain a sensitivity that comes from love and a desire to protect them. We don’t rush in with harsh criticisms like “You really have got a bit fat”, or “I knew you weren’t as smart as you think you are”.
Saying things like this to someone we care about seems absolutely inconceivable to most people.
Yet, each and every day, so many of us say the meanest things to the one person we need to care for most in our lives.
If you thought about it now, I’m sure you could think of the types of horrible, unkind and disparaging things you say to yourself.
When you try something new, when you don’t quite reach a goal, when you miss an opportunity, or make a mistake, what words do you say to support yourself and make things feel better?
When you feel overweight, when nothing looks right on, when your hair is having a crazy day and your skin’s breaking out, do you tell yourself you’re beautiful anyway?
Or do you flog yourself with criticism and judgment and downright cruelty?
If your default is to leap into putting yourself down, you need to stop being so mean, stop bullying yourself, and learn to be your own best friend, if you want to enjoy a place of peace and love for yourself.
Think about your best friend, or a close family member that you adore. Are they perfect? Are they absolutely flawless and without a single fault? I’m guessing the answer is no. Do you let them know that? Or do you see right past those flaws and faults and let them know the ways you love them, instead of pointing out how they could be better?
What if you could offer that same unconditional love to yourself? How much better do you think you could feel if you just stopped being the worst friend anyone could imagine, and started being your own BFF, full of self love and support?
It’s time to break up with that friend you’re being, the one who keeps putting you down (to your face no less!!) and constantly reminds you of all the ways in which they don’t think you are quite measuring up.
There aren’t too many people who would tolerate a friend who consistently told them what an idiot they are, or how gross they look every day. If friends said the things to each other, that you say to yourself, those friendships would be damaged, probably irreparably.
Ready To Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy?
The steps to being a better friend to yourself are simple, but not necessarily easy.
I want you to start noticing how often you berate yourself, or put yourself down in a day.
Each time you catch yourself about to say something in your mind about who, what or how you are, stop that thought in it’s track. You don’t have to ‘overwrite’ it with an affirmation or some other phrase that doesn’t feel true, but just stop the thought and then let it float away.
Every time a new, negative thought comes in, get it in check, then release it without analysing it or trying to counteract it.
This takes some practice at first but over time, as you keep catching yourself and just killing those thoughts dead, they stop coming as freely. All of a sudden, it just seems that those negative, mean thoughts have dwindled right down and without all that noise, with much cleaner thinking, it’s easier to actually notice and appreciate the good things about who, what and how you are.
Don’t get me wrong, there will still be times when that horrid, mean friend turns up in your mind, when something happens and they just have to say “I told you so”, but the visits will be much less regular once you stop giving them the attention they thrive on.
So give it a go. Catch those little suckers and kill them dead and notice how much more accepting you feel of one of the most important people in your life.
Self love is so important in our own development, and in our ability to truly and fully love others. It’s absolutely true that before you can deeply love another, you must love yourself. If you need help with improving your self love levels, check out my Self Love Coaching and get in touch if you are ready to fall in love with your fabulous self.