It’s Not All About You (And That’s Good)

not taking things personally

My husband and I recently experienced the loss of our 2nd baby. We have been trying to grow our family for nearly 2 years now, and have sadly lost both of the only pregnancies that we have managed to create.

It has been an extremely heartbreaking, and stressful time. There have been a few moments when I have totally lost myself in the grief, anger and heartache over the loss of 2 children we wanted so desperately, but I have always known that with my husband by my side, I would be ok.

He has been amazing and, particularly with our 2nd loss, tried so hard to be strong, to get me through those first days. I wanted to be strong too, to show him he was carrying me through, so I did my best to keep my grief inside.

But there came a time, when I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Rather than come straight out and say how I felt though, I started bitching and moaning about various unimportant household tasks that hadn’t been done, and how my husband was too busy to help me, and that I had work to do too!!!

I can honestly say that I wasn’t a particularly nice person in that moment and he had every right to be mad at me for the way I was acting. I was in attack mode and it would have been so easy for my sweet man to retaliate as the innocent victim of a crazy lady.

But he did something that I absolutely love him for.

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Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen

Sex CoachingWe’ve all had one of those conversations. You know the kind that start with ‘You won’t believe what (enter partner’s name) did’ or ‘It annoys me so much when they (enter current annoying behaviour or habit)’.

ÂI know I have in the past, and I certainly hear plenty of them when I’m in amongst it at social gatherings.

Soon enough you have one or more people unraveling an exhaustive laundry list of all the things their partner does to upset, annoy or frustrate them as those listening nod, agree and chime in with their own stories. It can seem like a wonderful bubbling hub of support and allegiance but I encourage you to think carefully about who and how you share the nitty grittys of your relationship.

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Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?

Relationship Coach

Have you ever looked at one of those couples who never argue, who nod agreeably at each others every word and seem to be two parts of the same mind and thought “Life would be so much easier if our relationship was like that”?

Well if it’s not, a recent US study* suggests that it never will be.

The study, involving a cross section of 1000 couples, found that over the course of 20 years the level of conflict within the average relationship did not lessen or increase over those 20 years.

Which means that if you are still with your partner in 20 years time, you will still be having a similar number of the same kind of arguments as you are having today.

It would seem that two decades of experience and learning won’t necessarily lead you into a life of constant peace and calm, unless you are already there now.

As a Relationship Coach, this surprised me as it is part of my work to help couples understand each other better and communicate in ways that decrease the occasion for argument.

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Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?

Sex Coaching

Valentines Day is here!!

The day of lovers when romantic gestures are keenly expected by those cherished by another and by those who hope to be.

The day when millions of dollars are spent on gifts, flowers, wine, food and cards as lovers everywhere endeavour to demonstrate the depth of their love.

The day when wives and girlfriends track every bunch of flowers delivered to the office, hopeful that they are the lucky recipient this time.

The day when husbands and boyfriends muddle their minds trying to think of the right gift, or default to the stock standard promoted by every florist, card shop or chocolate maker.

I’m personally pretty neutral on Valentines Day and my husband and I don’t hold the day with too much importance.

For us it isn’t necessary to mark a certain day to know that we love and adore each other deeply. Every day is the perfect day to let each other know.

But for some, Valentine’s Day does hold a special importance and there is much anticipation over what treats their partner has in store.

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20 Truths About Real Love

Sex CoachingLike most people, I have had my share of bad and not so great relationships.

Today I am blessed with the kind of relationship I always hoped and dreamed was possible. And it keeps on getting better every day.

But it wasn’t a love that started out that way and it took work, letting go of fairytales and expectations, and really being willing to give ourselves to love to become incredible.

Through my journey, through constant research and learning, and through the work with my clients I have discovered essential truths about what helps create those relationships that are deeply loving, fulfilling and passionate.

Here are 20 of them. I know there are plenty more but these are the ones that really stick out for me at this time:

  1. Sometimes love isn’t enough, and that can hurt like crazy. But if you can add in commitment, friendship, communication, respect, vulnerability and honesty, it can become everything. [Read more…]