How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life

relationship coaching

50 Shades Of Grey is guilty of it. Mills and Boon is guilty. Every romance movie you’ve ever watched is guilty of doing it.

Guilty of doing what?

Guilty of helping you to nurture unrealistic ideals and expectations about what love and sex in the average relationship is really all about.

We all know how it goes in Hollywood, in a scripted novel. A gorgeous couple randomly and passionately fall into bed, with just a few glances, all the right words and without a single thought of whatever else is going on the world.

In the grips of passion they mold their perfect bodies perfectly together for the most amazing, mind blowing, orgasmic sex two people could ever hope for.

Every hair is in place, nothing flops or jiggles about, every kiss and caress is delivered with pleasure and received with absolute desire. Every breath and movement is totally in sync.

Which is exactly how it should go in real life as well, right?

If only that were true.

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Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love

Relationship Coaching

If I’d saved a dollar for every time I’ve heard ‘I just wish he/she would show me they love me more’, I would be a very happy coach with a big box load of ALL the really expensive books I’ve been eyeing up on Amazon, being delivered to my door.

For any number of reasons, a lot of couples end up in a place where things have gone a little (or a lot) off course and one or both partners are feeling less love than they desire.

Unfortunately it’s not uncommon, at all.

While not all couples talk about it, most have felt it at some point in their relationship.

It’s also not uncommon for the blame for the lack of loving to be put on the other partner.

When you feel unloved, when the passion has dwindled and things have become a little mundane, surely it can’t be your fault?

Because after all, you actually want more love.

But there’s a difference between wanting it, and going out and getting it.

That difference determines whether you are a love reactor, or a love creator.

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Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen

Sex CoachingWe’ve all had one of those conversations. You know the kind that start with ‘You won’t believe what (enter partner’s name) did’ or ‘It annoys me so much when they (enter current annoying behaviour or habit)’.

ÂI know I have in the past, and I certainly hear plenty of them when I’m in amongst it at social gatherings.

Soon enough you have one or more people unraveling an exhaustive laundry list of all the things their partner does to upset, annoy or frustrate them as those listening nod, agree and chime in with their own stories. It can seem like a wonderful bubbling hub of support and allegiance but I encourage you to think carefully about who and how you share the nitty grittys of your relationship.

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“We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship

Relationship Coaching

Are you settling?

Have you given yourself over to having a sub standard kind of love?

Do you think you should just be more grateful for what you have and not expect more?

Then I am here to tell you you’ve got it wrong.

Being ‘not completely unhappy’ is as good saying you are unhappy most of the time.

When did that become acceptable?

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Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?

Relationship Coach

Have you ever looked at one of those couples who never argue, who nod agreeably at each others every word and seem to be two parts of the same mind and thought “Life would be so much easier if our relationship was like that”?

Well if it’s not, a recent US study* suggests that it never will be.

The study, involving a cross section of 1000 couples, found that over the course of 20 years the level of conflict within the average relationship did not lessen or increase over those 20 years.

Which means that if you are still with your partner in 20 years time, you will still be having a similar number of the same kind of arguments as you are having today.

It would seem that two decades of experience and learning won’t necessarily lead you into a life of constant peace and calm, unless you are already there now.

As a Relationship Coach, this surprised me as it is part of my work to help couples understand each other better and communicate in ways that decrease the occasion for argument.

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Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?

Sex Coaching

Valentines Day is here!!

The day of lovers when romantic gestures are keenly expected by those cherished by another and by those who hope to be.

The day when millions of dollars are spent on gifts, flowers, wine, food and cards as lovers everywhere endeavour to demonstrate the depth of their love.

The day when wives and girlfriends track every bunch of flowers delivered to the office, hopeful that they are the lucky recipient this time.

The day when husbands and boyfriends muddle their minds trying to think of the right gift, or default to the stock standard promoted by every florist, card shop or chocolate maker.

I’m personally pretty neutral on Valentines Day and my husband and I don’t hold the day with too much importance.

For us it isn’t necessary to mark a certain day to know that we love and adore each other deeply. Every day is the perfect day to let each other know.

But for some, Valentine’s Day does hold a special importance and there is much anticipation over what treats their partner has in store.

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20 Truths About Real Love

Sex CoachingLike most people, I have had my share of bad and not so great relationships.

Today I am blessed with the kind of relationship I always hoped and dreamed was possible. And it keeps on getting better every day.

But it wasn’t a love that started out that way and it took work, letting go of fairytales and expectations, and really being willing to give ourselves to love to become incredible.

Through my journey, through constant research and learning, and through the work with my clients I have discovered essential truths about what helps create those relationships that are deeply loving, fulfilling and passionate.

Here are 20 of them. I know there are plenty more but these are the ones that really stick out for me at this time:

  1. Sometimes love isn’t enough, and that can hurt like crazy. But if you can add in commitment, friendship, communication, respect, vulnerability and honesty, it can become everything. [Read more…]

What Lesson Is Being Mirrored Back To You?

 

I strongly believe that it is in our relationships that we learn the most about ourselves.

Particularly in our relationships with our spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends, but also with our children.

When we live with and love someone every day it’s inevitable we will come up against things that push a button or hit a nerve. Even the most placid and easy going person will have something that irks them that little bit, but in the most part we all just get on with it. Normally the majority of what annoys us, isn’t worth getting too pent up about or is forgotten in the next moment.

But what if the same things keep coming back up, causing constant issues in your relationship?

Unfortunately too many relationships are plagued by problems that persist, and try as they might to resolve their differences they bubbling up, contaminating the love shared between two people and threatening the future of the relationship.

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