- Why Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interests
- Loving In Your Partner’s Shoes
- What Will You Do Differently This Year?
- How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life
- Why Worrying About Your Partner Cheating Is Pointless
- Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love
- Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen
- “We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship
- Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?
- Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?
Taking Time To Reconnect And Recollect
At the best of times, a relationship is a source of love, companionship, and support.
In hard times it can feel strained, frustrating and totally out of love.
A healthy relationship is one that has more of the good stuff, than the bad stuff. That’s what we all strive for, right?
But it can actually be all the stuff in the middle, the general chaos of life, which can really make or break the love you have.
Even if as a couple you get along well and hardly ever have relationship problems, there will always be events or circumstances that you have no control over, which can really put the pressure on what is otherwise a great relationship.
And it’s important to pay attention to those pressures, to take notice of how they are impacting each of you individually, and as a couple, so that they don’t trip you up later.
Don’t Blindly Trust The Status Quo
It’s easy to assume that if you and your partner are getting along, that if there’s no fighting or days of silence, that everything is absolutely fine and dandy.
And most of the time you’re probably right.
But you also need to be mindful of how normal and expected pressures of a busy life can affect your relationship and the people in it.
Anything remotely interesting that you experience as an individual, and as a couple, has the power to change you and your relationship.
Whether it’s changing jobs, having children, losing a loved one, moving houses, or getting a dream promotion, events both negative and positive have the potential to alter the outlook, moods, feelings, priorities and reactions of one or both partners, and can fundamentally shift the dynamics of a relationship.
You need to regularly stop and take stock as you go through life’s changes so that you don’t lose sight of the what’s important and take for granted that everything is ok, when it may not be.
Check The GPS To Avoid Getting Lost
My husband and I are about to do exactly that. We’re taking a weeks holiday in one of our favourite cities to spend time reconnecting, so that after all the paths we’ve been down and all the unexpected turns we’ve taken, we don’t get lost.
We have been through a number of life changing events in the last few years, including 3 major earthquakes (and many thousands of aftershocks), my husband’s 19 year old son suddenly coming into his life for the 1st time, my husband changing jobs, me quitting my executive job to become a full time coach, a struggle with infertility and the loss of the 2 babies we managed to conceive.
I don’t say this to garner sympathy or pretend to be a hero, I only write this to show how much one couple can go through in a short time.
We could assume that after all that, as long as we’re not falling apart at the seams, that everything is fine. But we would be ignoring the obvious and very real pressures that our relationship has been under.
Just as a ship on a calm sea can still be directed by the pressure of a gentle wind, so too can we find ourselves off course when we thought it was all smooth sailing. We have to regularly check in and make sure we are still on course, that with all the changes in conditions we haven’t ended up somewhere entirely different than where we thought we were headed.
Time Is The Solution
Life happens and even the best lives come up against hard times.
It’s not the hard times that will break you it’s how you respond to them.
And once you are in a relationship, you need to consider not only your response, but that of your partner as well.
Without over analyzing all the gory details (unless you want to) you have to take time to talk about all the good and the bad, the important and the seemingly less important.
And while some of these conversations might be difficult, and others a lot easier and more enjoyable, not having them is ignoring the real stuff a life and relationship is built around.
It is these conversations that bring you closer, that bond you together more fully.
If you’re not having these conversations, you’re only half way in the game and missing an opportunity to deepen and strengthen your relationship.
So, what’s gone on in your life lately? Have you considered how it might have made a difference in your relationship, to you, to the person you love?
Have you noticed any signs of how being busy, stressed, overwhelmed, in life is altering the dynamics in your relationship?
You can choose to leave it, hope it goes away or works itself out, or you can choose to make an effort to respond to it by taking time to stop and reconnect with the one you love.