I received my wedding photos today.
My husband and I actually got married nearly 2 years ago but, well, we were a little slow on picking the best photos and actually putting the order in.
But they’re here now and I am so excited looking at them, seeing how well they turned out and thinking about the frames we will buy and where we will hang them.
But there is also something else in looking at these photos that is even more exciting.
I gaze at these beautiful pictures of us, and I see love.
So much love.
Love that is so obvious, even on a printed page.
Love that shows in our faces, the way we are standing or sitting, the way our bodies seem to be tied together.
It’s so incredible to see, and to feel, and such a wonderful relief because I was worried about receiving these photos.
Well let me explain.
This is my 2nd marriage. I was with a man for 8 years previously and eventually, we married.
After the wedding I remember going to the photographers and sitting down to work through which photos we wanted to get printed.
It was a long, arduous process that left me feeling quite unhappy.
I didn’t like any of the photos.
It wasn’t because the photography was bad, in fact it was actually very good.
I just didn’t like any of the photos because I could see so clearly how unhappy, how false, how out of love we were in them.
The people in these photos were playing a part. They were trying to ‘do’ the married thing and yet neither of them wanted to be there.
I knew that on my wedding day. But I went ahead and kept saying my lines and having photos taken, and thanking our well-wishers anyway.
Every photo we eventually had printed, displays so clearly a girl who had traded her dream of true love for a love that she assumed was as good as it really gets.
She had traded in all the feelings she now doubted and felt over sold by and married a man who couldn’t ever love her.
I feel sad when I look at her.
Which contrasts so wildly with how I feel when I look at my new wedding photos and for that, I am so utterly excited and full of love for.
This isn’t a collection of photos that I can’t stand to look at. I can’t stop looking at them.
The man I am standing next to in these photos is ‘THE MAN‘.
He is the one who connects me to the world.
He doesn’t complete me, he compliments me perfectly.
I am all of myself because I know his love.
And I see it in every image, every smile, every embrace.
The thing is, when we play at love, when we accept a 2nd rate version of it, it shows in every single moment.
It is written on our faces, it plays its lowly song from our hearts and while they can’t name the tune, others can hear it too.
It can’t be hidden, and it can’t be denied.
No matter how hard you try.
Your body will hold itself differently.
Your expression is a mask of the person you are trying to be.
True, real, deep, whole love shows up all over and in you.
It glows, shines, emanates from every pore.
It sings, and cheers.
It is felt as a vibration that has no words, but says everything you feel in your heart.
Just as spirits have been captured on film, so too has that vibration been captured in our wedding photos.
It is there to see, an energy of love.
And I am so excited, so grateful, so in awe of this amazing feeling called LOVE.