Remember those heady, new love days?
Those days when you first met your partner, and everything they did turned you on?
They said your name in just the right tone, and touched you just the right way. They smelt perfect, felt perfect and just thinking about the things you wanted to do to them would cause that delicious familiar ‘I want you’ feeling.
It didn’t matter that they left their socks at the end of your bed, or hadn’t washed up the wine glasses you drank out of the night before. You were so aware of how much they turned you on and you couldn’t go for more than a few days before falling into a wild search for some one on one time with this fabulous creature you had discovered.
You remember those feelings, right?
You wouldn’t be alone if, like for most other couples, there came a time when that first flush of lust started to wear off.
For some it might be months, others years, and there’s no pinpointing why it all starts to change but eventually, for most couples, life takes over, things get comfortable, kids, housework, a mortgage and a stressful job come along and sex drops right down the list of priorities.
And alongside the many legitimate reasons for not having the time or the inclination to turn it on with your partner, there’s also that common complaint that ‘they just don’t turn me on any more’.
In fact it could be that, lately, they seem to be trying damn hard to turn you right off!
But what if I told you that it isn’t their job to turn you on?
Because ultimately, we are each responsible for changing the way we feel, not anyone else.
And what if I also told you that you could crank up that turned on feeling all over again, without your partner having to do a single thing differently?
You really don’t have to wait for your partner to light your fire before you can entertain the idea of striping them down and loving them up.
Becoming Consciously Turned On
The most reliable and easy way to get turned on, is to turn your self on.
Think about all the women currently devouring the popular 50 Shades of Grey, and all the men reportedly benefiting from a sudden surge in hot loving from the women in their lives.
Those women aren’t asking for anything different from their partners, and there are bound to still be all those life distractions, but they are busy turning themselves on with a bit of harmless fantasy and letting it take them through a new surge of passion for their partners.
If a badly written novel can turn on millions of women all across the globe, surely you can turn yourself on, if you really want to?
All through the day, you are receiving all kinds of stimulus, including sexual stimulus.
Most of the time you don’t think about it because you are so busy rushing about life, wrangling jobs, kids, bills, chores, friends, family and whatever activities you have 5 minutes left for at the end of the day.
But if you pay attention, if you become conscious, you’ll notice that there are small opportunities throughout the day for you to create the first inkling of a delicious sexual thought or feeling.
It’s easy to dismiss these moments, particularly when it seems the wrong time or the place to take pleasure in them. But if you are willing to pay attention, to indulge a little, you can enjoy a brief sweet turn on and, over time, slowly build that up to a sensuality that you won’t be able to resist expressing with your partner. Or alone ; )
The key is to not just let these moments pass, but to instead let them stay for a moment, let them linger, notice them, appreciate them and become conscious about creating more occasions to feel sexy, so you can tune into your turn on.
Creating More Turn On Moments
I’m going to set you a little assignment, and I think you’ll enjoy it.
I want you to begin creating sexual stimulus in your life by paying closer attention to all the things in your day-to-day life that have a sensual element to them.
- Check yourself out. Look in the mirror at your naked body and think about the parts of your body you like to have touched and how you like to have them touched. Imagine those feelings as vividly as you can and let yourself get turned on. Notice where you feel the sensations in your body and whether it is a tingling, a warmth, a pulsing or an ache.
- In the bath, or shower, move your hands deliberately and lovingly over your body. You can’t ignore your body and expect it to respond magically when it finally gets touched. Enjoy the sensations, the softness, the warmth and the contours and notice if any particular touch turns you on more than others.
- Recall a particular sexual experience or sex act that really turned you on. Think about exactly what it is that gets you hot about that particular memory. Again, imagine it vividly and let your body respond.
- Get reading. If 50 Shades of Grey is working for so many other women, why not find out what all the fuss is about?
- Work out. Regular exercise increases blood flow to your sex organs and also improves your feelings of confidence and physical attractiveness. Wear work out clothes that flatter your shape and when you exercise, pay attention to the way your muscles move, the heat in your skin, the tingling and even the exhaustion and think about how similar these responses are to your responses during sex.
- Do as if. Do the things that you used to do when you first met your partner, when you felt turned on by them. Wear your best lingerie, send sexy messages, dress in a way that makes you feel at your most appealing and spray on that scent you know your partner loves.
- Have sex. I know this seems obvious but ‘just do(ing) it’ actually has some merit. I have a group of friends who have a saying ‘Take one for the team’. This gets said when one of them is complaining that their husbands want sex and they don’t feel like it. The other ladies will reply ‘Go on, take one for the team’. Amazingly, whenever that advice is taken, it is always to the pleasure of the women who was previously uninterested. Sometimes, it just takes pushing past the excuses and having sex to get your turn on sparked up again.
Sex and intimacy in a relationship is as much about shared connection, communication and respect as it is about the physical aspect. Nurturing a loving, supportive relationship goes a long way towards creating desire, but you can also take personal responsibility for your own turn on and enjoy feeling much more ready to light up when the time comes to get intimate.
Feeling turned on isn’t a feeling you need to confine to the bedroom. Nor is it about being so full on about it that you make people uncomfortable. It’s about tuning into your own source of turn on and enjoying that energy so that you can connect with your sexuality and feel ready to harness it more often during sex with your partner.
Have fun being turned on, and let your inner goddess glow. You won’t be able to help emanating a confidence, and a sexy vibe that your partner will literally feel!
Important: If you believe your lack of sex drive may be related to a medical condition, or a mental health condition, please consult with a professional and so you can get the support you need.