Valentines Day is here!!
The day of lovers when romantic gestures are keenly expected by those cherished by another and by those who hope to be.
The day when millions of dollars are spent on gifts, flowers, wine, food and cards as lovers everywhere endeavour to demonstrate the depth of their love.
The day when wives and girlfriends track every bunch of flowers delivered to the office, hopeful that they are the lucky recipient this time.
The day when husbands and boyfriends muddle their minds trying to think of the right gift, or default to the stock standard promoted by every florist, card shop or chocolate maker.
I’m personally pretty neutral on Valentines Day and my husband and I don’t hold the day with too much importance.
For us it isn’t necessary to mark a certain day to know that we love and adore each other deeply. Every day is the perfect day to let each other know.
But for some, Valentine’s Day does hold a special importance and there is much anticipation over what treats their partner has in store.
We each have different ways that we feel and give love and that’s ok.
Except when it’s not.
So often I meet with clients who raise occasions like Valentine’s Day as opportunities their partner blindly missed to make them feel loved. They take the fact of one single day passing without recognition, to have a much deeper, more sinister meaning and soon the day of lovers is fraught with disappointment.
While I know that it can be exciting and wonderful to celebrate love on Valentine’s Day, I urge these clients to not lose sight of the bigger picture.
Assuming a relationship is otherwise pretty well on track, a partner’s lack of interest in recognising Valentine’s Day doesn’t change how much they love their partner and they will likely be a bit confused about what the fuss is over.
A lot of people just see it as being an over marketed, commercial venture that holds no significance.
But, if it is important to you to recognise Valentine’s Day then you need to have a conversation with your partner. You should discuss and try to understand where both of your thoughts lie on the subject so that future actions on days such as Valentines Day are not misconstrued as ominous intentions towards your relationship.
We all know communication is key but tend to assume it’s just the big stuff we should be talking seriously about. Discussing the smaller things though, like expectations around occasions you value (Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays), could go a long way towards getting on the same page and avoiding hurt feelings and assumptions further down the track.
And if you still have unmet expectations about Valentine’s Day that your partner isn’t willing to come to the party on, it might be worth asking yourself what you really want from these gestures and if you could get what you want in other ways.
Gifts are nice but they don’t make up for important emotional elements that are missing.
On the other hand, if you are the one that fundamentally disagrees with the concept of Valentine’s Day and you have no desire to get pulled into the marketing ploys of card makers and rose growers then be willing to say so, but also be willing to hear the other side of the story and see if there is a way you can compromise that will still allow your partner to feel valued.
Valentine’s Day can be a bit of fun and if you keep it relaxed, what harm is there in taking the cue to have that date night your partner keeps hinting at.
At the end of the day, the easiest, cheapest, and most genuine thing you can do on Valentine’s Day is to embrace your partner, look fully into their eyes and tell them a few special things you love about them.
I promise that this gift, which takes less than 30 seconds and exactly no money to deliver, will give you and your partner more good feelings than any other gift you might be thinking of.
Happy Valentine’s Day and remember, every day is a great day to tell the person you love exactly how you feel about them.