- Why Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interests
- Loving In Your Partner’s Shoes
- What Will You Do Differently This Year?
- How Spontaneity Could Be Ruining Your Sex Life
- Why Worrying About Your Partner Cheating Is Pointless
- Are You A Creator Or A Reactor In Love
- Don’t Share Your Relationship Problems With Whoever Who Will Listen
- “We’re not completely unhappy” and other half baked statements about your relationship
- Will You Still Be Having The Same Arguments In 20 Years?
- Valentine’s Day – A Day For Love Or Letdown?
Why I Believe In True Love
Terms we hear and use all the time to define that one person who steals our heart and keeps it forever.
Movies make millions as gorgeous stars search for ‘the one’, artists go platinum lamenting the loss of their soul mate and some of our most famous poets made their names in history with odes to true love.
Early in life we learn that the prince and princess always eventually find each other and live happily ever after.
Then, later in life, after our share of heartbreak, kissing too many frogs and feeling deep disappointment, we start to doubt that true love exists at all.
I certainly did, but now I fully believe and I want to tell you why.
It’s a personal story, much more personal (and to be honest, quite gushy in parts) than I would normally share, but I’ll do it anyway for two reasons:
1) So you can understand a bit more about why I became a relationship coach and the life experience I bring to my practice
2) And why I am so passionate about helping others discover that true love really does exist.
My Path To True Love
I’ll condense the early part of my story so as not to bore you too much.
As a teenager, and like many teenage girls do, I fell in and out of love with barely a change in the wind. So many times I was convinced I had found my true love (including Morten Harket from A-Ha), and ignoring my mother’s advice that I would soon come to my senses was a daily pastime. Especially when I was ready to run away with my Mormon penpal/boyfriend after his gap year finished and he was going home. How could she deny my (2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th) true love?
After a small collection of ill fated relationships, when I was 21 years old I met and married a man who never felt the way I did about him. I didn’t know that at the time, despite feeling like something was always off, but because I loved him I still assumed this was true love and as good as it got, and I went about trying my best to make our relationship work.
Just after my 29th birthday I announced it was over, after much soul searching and many many months of trying desperately to uncover what would keep us going. All I had uncovered was a friendship, and his selfish passion for my 6 figure income, but nothing much more.
Then I met a man who would completely tip my world upside down.
He was fun, he was extreme, he was like no one I had been with before, and I thought he was just what I needed for a while instead of true love. I felt like I needed a break from ‘love’ and just needed to play around for a while.
In the months after we first started seeing each other I discovered I had more on my hands than I expected.
An alcoholic, a drug addict, and a gambling addict.
I didn’t figure it all out straight away, but slowly the pieces came together. By the time I really knew how bad it was, he was very sick with his alcohol addiction, was taking drugs all day every day to get through, and had accrued $100,000 in debt.
And I was desperately in love.
Anyone reading the 3 paragraphs before this one would have every reason to think I was clinically insane, but anyone who knew the man wouldn’t be surprised by my having been swept off my feet.
He was charming, loving, sweet and kind.
He was also mean, unpredictable, deceitful, toxic and manipulative.
Nearly 3 years into our relationship (so much for playing the field), I decided that the negative aspects of the man I loved were no longer tolerable. After an intense and frightening argument that caused me to have a major panic attack, he packed up everything he owned and I shut the door behind him. My heart broken, my soul breathing a sigh of relief.
But I never stopped loving him.
I couldn’t. It was nothing I can explain. It didn’t make sense and as I tried to move on with my life I wanted to be able to let him go completely. I had set strong boundaries. We didn’t spend time together and there was no doubt about my position on his addiction and what part I would have in his life.
But still, my heart wouldn’t let go.
I figured I just needed more time. I went out with my friends, I got on with my hobbies and my career, and I waited for the love to fade.
1 year later the man that I loved slowly started to shed the husk that had formed around him and bit by bit, his truth began to shine its light out of the cracks. His recovery had begun.
The man that I had seen underneath it all was revealing himself and I could almost hear my heart saying “See, told you so”.
I couldn’t let myself go there though. It was all too soon, all too new. I had seen previous attempts to do better crumble in front of me, and I wasn’t willing to let go of the recovery I had had to go through too, to get past loving an addict.
But still my heart wouldn’t let go.
And in the year that followed I slowly but surely gave my heart back to the man I loved.
That was 5 years ago and today I have a husband that is my one true love.
My best friend, my lover, my unending love. And soon to be the father of my child.
With each of us living our truth, being vulnerable, open, honest and willing to do everything we had done before differently, we reached the strongest, deepest love we could imagine.
It’s the love I had begun doubting was ever possible. A love that gets better with every day, a love that grows in intensity with every life challenge (and we’ve had a fair few), a love that feels so powerful it sometimes makes my breath catch.
It’s a love that I reflect on, and marvel at. I can’t believe that it is possible to feel this way. Even with all my girlish hopes, I never imagined that love would feel this good, that every single day I would be thankful and feel so absolutely gifted by the love in my life.
See, told you it would all get a bit gushy.
Don’t get me wrong, we are still a normal couple. We don’t always agree and there are days when we each wish the other would do things differently, but there isn’t a single day that goes by when we take each other for granted.
We worked too hard to get here. It didn’t come easy.
We chose love. We chose each other. And we make that choice every single day because this is true love.
We both believe that.
So yes, I believe in true love. I know it’s power to overcome hurt and heart break. I know that with true love, effort and commitment that you can find your way through what might break other couples. I know that true love can make you feel as though you can overcome anything, that you have a doubled strength that can take you to new heights. I know that it can grow and expand when it is nurtured and respected. I know that it’s what we all deserve, what we should all experience, and it is my mission to make that possible.
It’s why I do what I do.
It’s why I am the best coach to help you find YOUR true love.
I know it’s possible and what it takes.
So, if you’re ready to believe in true love again too, but you need a supportive, helping hand to get there, I can be that for you. I truly believe we can all have the most incredible love, and that each and every one of us deserve it. You just have decide that you’ll accept nothing less.