Love can be hard to find.
Good quality, genuine, long lasting love that is.
We all look for it, and sometimes we find it, but a lot of times we don’t or we think we do, only to be let down.
It hurts, it aches, but we’re not easily discouraged when it comes to love because we know how good it feels when we find it again. So we get back out there and keep looking.
Randomly, in any place, at any time.
Love is like that. It hangs out everywhere and anywhere. You can find it all over the place. Or something that looks and seems like it anyway.
But how do you know if what you find is what you are looking for?
How can you be sure this time around?
You can’t. That’s the short answer.
The longer answer is that to improve your chances of getting the quality of love you want, and are worthy of, in your life you need to know what it looks like and then be selective about the way you choose it.
I’m guessing that sounds a bit too clinical in the context of that wonderful, magical feeling that we call love?
Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting you forget about the spontaneity and spark of love, everyone knows I’m a sucker for both, but I am suggesting that you make better choices about exactly what kind of love is more likely to give you the commitment, happiness and excitement you most deserve.
The movies and fairytales lead us to believe that love falls in our laps and always works out beautifully in the end. It can happen, but a 50% divorce rate suggests that at least half the time, it doesn’t, so why not take some control over your destiny and write your own fairytale love story, by taking the first step of deciding what kind of lead character you will want to share your story with.
What would your ideal leading lady/man be like?
You might be tempted to first think about what they look like, how tall they are, what colour eyes they have and how tanned, slim or muscular you want your leading love to be.
But take your cue from the serious story writers and first think about WHO you need your lead character to be. What are the non-negotiables your character must have to work with the rest of your story.
Be bold and define all the things they must be along with that which just won’t work.
This isn’t about creating a carved in stone, Mr or Mrs Perfect list that you have no hope of ever completely ticking off. It’s about identifying the critical values that are most important to you to have in a partner, values that ultimately compliment your own values and help determine the quality of love between you both so that your story has a higher chance of working out the way you want it to.
They say opposites attract and indeed they can but while some of the best love stories were created with seemingly unmatched parties (mine included) there comes a point when fundamental values must match otherwise the foundation of your relationship is permanently compromised, and may ultimately fracture.
Take the time to explore who you are, what’s important to you, what you want, and what type of person is most likely to give that to you. Think about the partnerships you have already experienced and try to understand what did and did not work in those pairings. Don’t accept the things that didn’t work into your life again. While there might have been lessons to be learnt in these breakdowns, you don’t HAVE to repeat them, if you choose instead to learn from them.
Once you have your ‘must have’ list leave the rest open. Anything not on the list remains as part of the mystery to be uncovered as your story plays out and you get to know more about your character.
You can have the love you deserve if you are willing to be bold and ask for it.
Each and every one of my clients that have made their ‘non-negotiables’ list has attracted the quality of love they most want and deserve in their lives.
What will your leading love be like?
Photo credit: © 2008 Penny Wood